Still thinking about the Roman Empire (yeah, what have the Romans ever done for us)? Then read this!
Thinking about the Roman Empire is a global phenomenon, so if you’re one of the thoughtful, here is the perfect primer for you.
Ah, the glory that was Rome! Not so glorious, it turns out, when you really dig into it.
What a bunch of psychopathic perverts. The blood lust, the scandal, the ever-expanding empire at everyone else’s expense. It’s a sorry tale in many ways but, yes, still fascinating. Which is why we think about it quite a bit. Or some of us do.
The social media meme – How often do you think about the Roman Empire? – is a recent phenomenon that has baffled many. Blokes, in particular, often think about it several times a week, which may be surprising.
I count myself as one of those who do think about it a bit. My son acknowledged this by giving me an artwork titled How often do you think about the Roman Empire by Brisbane artist Jackie Ryan, who also happens to be artistic director of the Brisbane Writers Festival. It features a Brisbane performer, Mark Winmill, going full Roman solider. It hangs with pride on a wall in a high-traffic area of our house.
Cashing in on this phenomenon of global interest in the Roman Empire comes Your Cheeky Guide to the Roman Empire, a handy little reference book by Peta Greenfield and Fiona Radford. Greenfield holds a doctor of philosophy in ancient history and classics from the University of Sydney and Radford holds a doctor of philosophy in ancient history from Macquarie University.
The first paragraph of their introduction to the book is a nod to the meme:
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“Grand buildings. Draped fabric. Mighty warriors. Uncomfortable undergarments. Stinky fish sauce. These are just some of the things that may come to mind when you think about the Roman Empire, as apparently many of us do.”
Indeed. I was raised on the Roman Empire. As a kid living in the former British Colony of Hong Kong we studied Roman Britain. As a fan of The Goons, one of my favourite shows was The Histories of Pliny The Elder, a hilarious spoof on the Roman Empire.
My best subject at high school was ancient history. We studied the Romans and like millions of others I have been fascinated by the empire that, among other things, crucified Jesus Christ. And, yes, that is acknowledged in the guide’s handy timeline. Jesus was an historical figure, despite some opinion to the contrary.
Also, as a teenager I watched Derek Jacobi as the Emperor Claudius in the brilliant BBC series I, Claudius, based on the novel by Robert Graves.
And most weeks I will watch something on Foxtel about Rome. Recently I watched a show about Caligula. Now there’s a name to be reckoned with. I’m happy to see there’s quite a section on that most reviled of Roman emperors in this wee book. The authors try to have a bit of fun with history and their style is quite racy. Here’s an example:
“Caligula’s idea of foreplay was to remind his lover as he nuzzled into their neck that all he had to do was say the word, and their head would be cut off. Sexy times.” Indeed.
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In this book you will discover just how far the Romans would go to please the gods, the most torrid love affairs, the fun that emperors had to create to keep themselves entertained and the never-ending scandals that caused serious outrage in Ancient Roman society. You will read a collection of trivia and history including the rise of Spartacus, the most famous rebel of them all (“I am Spartacus!” I hear you cry.)
There’s the tale of the goddess Vesta and plenty of mythology, the story of the founding of Rome and of the era before the Republic. The guide has an edifying glossary featuring Roman words, some of which are rather pertinent at the moment. Such as dictator. Hmmm.
There’s Hadrian, who never quite managed to conquer the Scots, as well as Julius Caeser, Marc Antony and Cleopatra and a whole bunch of other characters that we know through education, books, plays and, of course, movies.
My favourite Roman sword-and-sandal epic is Ben-Hur (1959) but in contemporary times Gladiator (2000) rules. Which brings me to a problem for the Romans – those bloody German tribes north of the Rhine who caused such trouble.
The period when the Romans were decimated by the barbarians in the Teutoburg Forest is one of the most incredible episodes in the history of the Roman Empire. I have watched documentaries about this and my bookcase holds a book about this battle known as Varussschlact (Varus battle), which was actually a series of battles, as our guide’s authors point out:
“In the wake of the Varian Disaster the Romans managed to hold the Rhine, but their aspirations beyond it were gone. The only Roman garrison that managed to hold out against the German assault was Aliso, and the soldiers there were probably grateful to quietly bow out when reinforcements arrived.”
The Emperor Augustus was shattered by this defeat, even though he’s the one who sent the poor buggers there in the first place. Like most emperors, he had blood on his hands.
My favorite emperor is still Claudius, who tried his best to govern until he was fed poisonous mushrooms by his wife Agrippina. What a bunch they were, those Romans. It doesn’t bear thinking about. Although, wait a minute … yes it does!
Your Cheeky Guide to the Roman Empire by Dr Peta Greenfield and Dr Fiona Radford, Ulysses Press, $27.99, ulyssespress.com